Surprise them (and you) with kindness
“It's not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” L.R. Knost
Our world is cruel and
harsh at times. Injustice, violence and poverty have become pictures of our everyday
life all fueled by pain and suffering. Our environments have become competitive
– survival instincts take over and hurt from our past and backgrounds take
over. Look around, ask how many people are on antidepressants and medication
for their mental health – do we solve the cruelty of the world that is painful or
we learn to live with it?
All doom and gloom?? If
you have read my blogs before, you know that I tend to recognize the bad but focus
on the good – maybe to help myself too…
Our hope is our kids – cliché,
right?
The current theme in our family recently is kindness.
It started some time ago with a “kind challenge” – which we are reintroducing
now. We all get together every evening before bed and share what act of kindness
we did during the day. It is tough, I am telling you. Sometimes we get into
discussions on whether offering to carry someone’s books to the car is politeness
or kindness. And I admit it I have learned a lot from their way of thinking and
arguing (shhh, don’t tell the boys I said that…).
The other day we got into
a different but related discussion. How do I respond to people who offend, irritate, or are plainly rude?
Of course, answering back
or reacting or bringing my friends to answer them were all options on the
table. All these, though, would have two results: 1) the “rude” person was
expecting them so they were prepared with their own counter-attack, and 2) they
only fueled the situation without offering any resolution or relief for ourselves
either.
So, what do we do? Surprise
them with kindness!! They don’t expect it, are not used to it, don’t know what to do next and stop. Yes, I hear; not as straightforward and not always
successful, but well worth a try. Even if not for them, then for our own soul;
getting into a cruel, violent, hurtful exchange will not help our hearts, and
if our hearts are hurt, how can we radiate kindness to others around us?
I took these thoughts a
step forward and applied from me to me. Yes, our biggest bully is ourselves.
We create narratives in our heads, negative thoughts about ourselves.
I am too fat/thin/short/tall…
I am unfit…
I am stupid…
I can never do anything right…
I don’t have friends…
I am not considered….
I am not valued…
I am not loved….
No, my dear self. I will
not allow you to be rude to me and treat me in an impolite way. I will shock you
with kindness.
Every time my mind plays
tricks, I force myself to say, send, do something extra kind. Sometimes an “I
love you” or “thinking of you” message to someone might be all that moment
needs. When I tell myself I am really alone and have no friends around me (oh
yes, that thought comes and goes very often), I open my WhatsApp and find a
dear friend to send a message of love and support. It is not enough to be
reminded of their love; showing my friends my love and care fills my heart with
kindness and takes me out of the negative cycles. Another example is whenever the
usual suspect of the impostor syndrome hits,
it is not enough to go back and remind me of all the hard work, all the
publications and other achievements. What helps is taking the initiative of inviting
colleagues to do something new, to work on something together, or to share an
idea.
Another cliché, I know....
It is important to
remember that the world is also full of kindness, compassion, and beauty. There
are individuals that work day and night to make a positive change in this
world. Kindness and generosity in the midst of difficult conditions.
The least that we and our
kids can do is not allow the poison to reach our systems, and our shield can be
kindness!
Thank you for the photo Adam Nemerhoff
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