Choosing "my busy"...

The other day, a student asked me, quite directly:

“How busy are you?”

I smiled. Because the honest answer is simple: I am always busy.

There is always something. Emails waiting. Deadlines approaching. Meetings scheduled. People to respond to. Ideas to develop. A never-ending list that seems to regenerate faster than I can cross things off.

Busy has become a constant state. Almost an identity.

And I started wondering—when did that happen? When did “busy” become the default answer to “How are you?” When did it become something we say with a mix of pride and exhaustion, as if it justifies our existence?

But more importantly, how much of this busy is actually mine?

Because if I’m honest, not all busy is created equal. There is busy that energises me, that feels aligned, that gives me a sense of purpose. And then there is busy that drains, that fills space without meaning, that I say yes to without thinking.

The dangerous part is that from the outside, it all looks the same. Just… busy.

But inside, it feels very different.

So I’ve started thinking differently about it. Maybe the goal is not to be less busy. That’s unrealistic for the life I have chosen—and, if I’m honest, a life I enjoy. I like being active. I like being involved. I like doing things that matter.

But I don’t want to be unconsciously busy.

I want to choose my busy.

And that also means something else—something we don’t talk about enough. When someone decides not to ask me to meet, or not to ask for help, because “she must be too busy,” they are making a decision on my behalf. They are choosing my busy for me.

I understand where it comes from. It’s often considerate, even kind. But it quietly removes my agency. It takes away my ability to decide what matters enough for me to make space for.

Because sometimes, the things that matter most are not the ones that fit neatly into a schedule. They are the unexpected conversations, the moments of connection, the opportunities to support someone, to show up, to be present. And I want to be the one to decide if I can—or want to—make space for that.

Choosing my busy doesn’t mean everything will suddenly feel light. It doesn’t remove pressure or responsibility. But it shifts ownership. It turns busy from something that happens to me into something I actively shape.

And maybe that’s the difference.

Because when I choose my busy, I show up differently. With more intention. With less resentment. With a clearer sense of why I am doing what I am doing.

So next time someone asks me, “How busy are you?”, maybe the better answer is not how much—but how intentional that busy is.

I am busy. But I am learning to make it my own.

PS. AI was used for formatting and language corrections.