Be polite to others and take care of yourself: Two lessons in 5 minutes

This was the first weekend after almost a month that I managed to relax and enjoy my family. Deadlines and work did not allow me to have a meal with them without my mind being at work, obligations (both work and social), and planning. Last night, the four of us went out for dinner to a favorite restaurant, the kids were in a good mood and so did the parents (there is a statistically significant correlation – causality – between the two!!!).

While the Big boy sits nicely and enjoys his fish and chips (Miracle! Miracle! He ate fish!), a very cute older lady signaled with her hand towards him as if she was begging for food. Normally, I get irritated with people trying to “tease” kids they don’t know in public, but her positive aura made me sit back and observe my son’s reaction. And he amazed me once more! He looked around and he took a bunch of fries and gave it to the lady! Proud mama I was!! The lady was equally amazed and praised him for the politeness. She told us she has seven great-grandchildren and she loves kids. I paid her a compliment for how well she looks even though she has great-grandchildren already! “I am 83” she said, “Oh I wanna look like you when I am 83”, I responded. “Then, my only advice is take care of yourself, because if you don’t do it nobody else will do it for you. Do your nails, take care of your hair, look nice for yourself and enjoy your lovely family”. Her company went to fetch her and as she was leaving she even promised Big boy to come and ready stories for him.

This five-minute encounter left me wondering about priorities in life, what we are doing for other people and what we are doing for ourselves, and of course what we teach our kids. Politeness is something we mostly take for granted. Especially, English-speaking people, I think, we use the words thank you and please almost mechanically and maybe without even meaning them. In Greek, we don’t use as often the words please and thank you in our everyday life (thus we are perceived as a bit rude when we go to other countries). It is thus a characteristic of a language, a mentality or a passed-on trait. I want to believe the last one. I have to believe it is the last one. I am sure relatives and friends think that we exaggerate when we insist that our boys should greet hello and good bye to each and every one. Yes, sometimes they don’t want to, but it is, I feel, one of these things that make life more beautiful: acknowledging someone’s existence, basically. Saying thank you to a teller in the supermarket is not only about just using the societal norms. It is saying “thank you that on a Sunday you are here working so that I come and buy my groceries”. When asking for something from your own grandpa or oupa or pappous, saying please is not because mummy or daddy asked you too. It is appreciating that they will leave whatever they are doing to help you do so.

Yes, certainly, being polite and gently will not change the world, I agree. Yes, certainly, saying something nasty but “presenting” it in a polite way will not alter the essence of the message. However, being polite and respectful can make our world a better place to leave in. Being polite shows a quality of character, to me; an importance of being. By no means, I am saying to be submissive to other people; but there are strong but gentle ways to support and defend ourselves. And in many cases, my personal experience thus far has shown that people get surprised when we keep our politeness and calmness at all situations; nowadays, it is the least expected reaction, unfortunately. All in all, a smile and a polite word can create explosions of positive thinking and behavior. So, why not?

And while we are changing ourselves to provide better examples to the next generation, the common concept is self-respect. Hence, except for our politeness to other people, we need to be gentle to ourselves too, to love and appreciate us. As my lady-friend yesterday said, who else will do it for us? Especially since we become parents (or even partners before that) we (yes yes we! You too!) tend to live for others. Every moment of the day is about making other people happy and content and at some point we forget about ourselves. Recently, I was arguing that love is about making the other person happy. However, where do you find reserves and strength to do so if you are not content and happy inside? Maybe we should make all together an effort to firstly look for peace inside us, not though in a selfish manner. But the difficult question is not whether we believe self-love is needed, but how we do so. According to the new friend, women should take time to pamper themselves: manicure, pedicure, hair, clothes etc. Not all women, of course, need that. So the secret is to know ourselves well enough, to know what we need when. This “vicious” cycle thus needs time and experience: the more we know ourselves, the better we can “love” ourselves, and the more we “love” ourselves, the more we can respond to our needs and desires. (Note to self: spend some time to “listen” to yourself – she will show you what she needs…)

Final thought: I wrote this to remind myself of always being polite and teach my boys to do so too and second, to love and care for myself. After a couple of weeks of too much work and sleepless nights, I needed to remind myself. As well, I should think twice before I choose a person to be close to me: they need to understand the desire to spend time with myself. We should respect each other's times and needs....