Moving forward...

The last few days the concept of showing appreciation plays a lot in my thoughts: its various manifestations and forms, what are the different things and personality characteristics that people appreciate, and if there are any links to a desire for self-improvement when been appreciated. I am busy observing different approaches and I make an effort to vocalize my appreciation more often nowadays to observe the reactions of the receivers.

So, while I was doing my own small-scale research, and in a class of almost thirty individuals (professionals and more mature in life – not typical students) from all over the African continent, I realised there is an important determinant without which (in most cases), a person can neither appreciate life and its beauties, nor be comfortable enough to express his appreciation: that is the moving forward concept, as I call it. (Thank you to this amazing group I work with the last ten days! – People with beautiful qualities). Let me explain now what having moved or currently moving forward is, to me…

Moving forward does not mean “forget others’ mistakes”…. It means to think about them, analyze them, and put them in perspective. It means understand where the mistake-makers came from when they were making them… were they made on purpose? Sometimes people (we) make mistakes because we do not know any better. Sometimes people (we) make mistakes due to circumstances and conditions around us. Sometimes people (we) make mistakes without even understanding they are mistakes and they hurt others; maybe the definition of a “mistake” is different across genders, races, nations, cultures. Moving forward means comprehend the source and intention of mistakes, but equally and oftentimes more importantly, assess the recognition of mistakes and the steps taken afterwards. That leads me to the second point…

Moving forward does not mean “forget my own mistakes”…I went through a phase in my life that I refused to say “I am sorry” for things that might happen again; if I accidently stepped on your foot, I DID not apologise because it might happen again. What I refused to understand is that “I am sorry” means “I am going to try my best not to do it again”. And how can one make an effort to do their best?  Only by recognising, understanding, and fully comprehending the nature and reasons for their mistake. No, we cannot undo our mistakes; we cannot turn back time. But we can be careful and conscious in not doing them again. We should be honest with ourselves and especially with other being affected by them. But we should also be prepared to accept their forgiveness or not. People (we) have the right to choose that relationships cannot go back where they used to be before the “mistake”. And this should be perfectly acceptable (unfortunately, not everyone makes a conscious decision to convert to moving forward attitudes); we are accountable of our own actions and their consequences.  Hence,….

Moving forward does not mean “forgive everyone and everything”… Forgiving everyone and everything without second thoughts, for the sake of being peaceful and calm might have the opposite effects in our personality and psychology. Accepting other people’s bad behaviour creates a victim’s mentality; a culture of putting others’ needs before your own. Such reactions cannot be good neither for the individual nor for the society as a whole: living among people that have no strength to fight for their own happiness, imagine... Sooner or later, such polarized attitudes make a person explode; or just lose their strength to fight for themselves; a sense of let-go of their own happiness.  Such behaviours are justified most of the times wrongly…

Moving forward does not mean “past trends and behaviours are indicative of future ones”…If someone hurt me before, they will hurt me again; or if I forgive someone’s action, they will appreciate it and not do it again. Moving forward means evaluate and assess each new situation afresh; new information, new facts, new decisions. Neither positive or negative reactions nor behaviours in the past from the environment and our social circles ensure their infinite continuity: people change, circumstances change, conditions change. But how can we be predict future behaviours? Well we cannot, and that is the beauty of life and human interactions: every situation is new and unpredictable. Yes, we can learn our lessons from past mistakes but there are so many new factors every time that can alter the result. But at least, we can work with ourselves to protect ourselves... we are the only factor in every case that we can control of… So, …

Moving forward means “know who I am and what I can do”…. By being stuck in the past, we are stuck in our old selves. But by glimpsing at the past, we can only learn and improve ourselves. In order to move forward, we need to be conscious of our abilities, desires, capacity and skills. We should have worked with ourselves enough based on past experiences and of course, decisions about changes in the future, so much so we know our constraints, both with regards to feelings, emotions and strengths. Only then, we can set the right targets for us and move forward towards a brighter future.

Moving forward means “having real hope for the future”….  Negative thoughts can only result in negative outcomes. People (we) tend to be pessimistic about the future. If all our “pictures” of the future are pessimistic, how will we strive for anything positive and “sunny”? Moving forward means we always see the positive outcomes; we focus on the positive opportunities and possibilities; we learn from the past and not make the same mistakes again; we teach others how to avoid our difficulties and how to fight theirs; we share knowledge and experiences; we strive for a better future.

Lastly, you will ask me now… where does this moving forward idea apply?  Relationships? Professional life? Family life? Friendships? Societal characteristics and our role as citizens? Well, the answer is easy, I believe, in every situation... You have homework, now…Think of a situation in your life, in the society, or your life in its entirety and see if you can apply moving forward principles there. It is all about learning from others, from experiences, from yourself, and your environment, and make a conscious effort to build your positive version of your own future. THAT is moving forward….