Business cycles in "social life"
Do you know what a business cycle is? Let me be the economist for a second…
A business cycle is “the fluctuation in economic activity that an economy experiences over a period of time. A business cycle is basically defined in terms of periods of expansion or recession…During expansions, the economy is growing in real terms (i.e. excluding inflation), as evidenced by increases in indicators like employment, industrial production, sales and personal incomes. During recessions (contraction), the economy is contracting, as measured by decreases in the above indicators”[1] The main elements in a business cycle are peak (top) – recession – trough (bottom) – expansion.
I have observed that these types of cycles exist in my desire for social life. You know what I mean? The one period of time, I am a social bee; I organize events, I say yes to all invitations, my calendar is full, while at the same time, family and work obligations keep me super busy as well…and the next period, I am a hermit…I keep my social interactions, to the absolutely necessary and unavoidable, and I have this deep desire to wake up and stay in bed (preferably under the duvet) not even talking to myself.
Peak (top): This is when you have to book me in advance for weeks. This is the period where not only I say yes to every single invitation but I tend to look at my calendar and say “oops why am I not seeing anyone before or after work that day? Let me start calling to see who is available”. I am in the mood to get dressed up or down and do anything and everything: with kids, without kids, for alcohol, coffee, dinner, lunch, breakfast, coffee before breakfasts, coffee after breakfast. You get the point. Those peaks do not last long. They are tiring and usually end gradually by other me missing my boys (all three) or by my boys expressing or showing that we need to slow down. That is when we pass to…
Recession (contraction): This is the period when slowly the “busy bee” calms down. This is the period when firstly I stop organizing and inviting friends and family and just accept invitations. Some of the weekends, I book them “free” or “just the four of us” in advance to save them. Towards the end of this period, I become very selective and I respond to invitations depending on how obliged I am to be there. In this period, I have missed quite a few fun events and occasions, which admittedly I have regretted afterward. The work obligations and the stress of work is not necessarily high; oftentimes, on the contrary, there are not important and pressing challenges that will keep me on my feet. This period slowly reaches stages of melancholy, until the stage of…
Trough (bottom): The definition of depression, or close by anyways. I do not want to see anyone. I am not in the mood to get out of my pajamas. I do not even like to think about anything. I am irritated with the world, and I feel nobody understands me. Unfortunately, the current rhythm of life and generally, lifestyle does not allow us to do that, and even more when one has the role of a mummy. When I was single, I was sinking (and in some ways, enjoying it) during troughs for long. It is the time when I need to feel that someone has missed me; I need to feel needed and others to show it; I want my friends and family to acknowledge my absence. Of course, as stubborn as I am I do not vocalize my needs – I expect others to act for themselves; which can be proved a double-edged sword: it might disappoint me more and extend the trough point time-wise or it can quickly pull me out (if it comes from the right people at the right time) and can lead to the next stage…
Expansion (growth): slowly, I “go out” again. Initially by accepting invitations, mainly for short visits, coffees and generally, events that finish early in the day and where, I am sure, only a few and very close friends and family will be attending. With time and as my confidence builds up (and my feeling that people want to see me – and not have to see me), the “busy bee” makes an appearance and returns until reaching the peak point again.
As with business cycles, the exact time spent in each of the four elements differ. The factors taking me from one phase to the other might be exogenous (some disappointment at work, or not sleeping well when one of the kids are sick) but mostly, the process is endogenous (too much of one thing leads to another…a pendulum). Decoding my behavior and analyzing the factors will help me to assist myself transit from one to another and control my moods. But most of all, appreciating the different “phases” will assist in controlling my dependence to and expectations from others.
If you ask me, though, in which phase I am now? I would say “if you knew me enough, you would know”…still some work to do with myself, yes?
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