On Leave (Sort of)

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I am officially on leave. Out of office. Unavailable.

In theory.

In practice… it’s complicated.

Because even when I put up the out-of-office reply and silence the notifications (well, some of them), I can’t quite silence the chatter in my own head.

What’s happening while I’m gone?
Are the projects moving forward?
Has anyone noticed I’m not there?
Or worse… has no one noticed I’m not there?

Welcome to the spiral. That special cocktail of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), curiosity, and just a touch of control-freakery. Served with a generous splash of guilt.

At first, I tried to justify it. “I just want to make sure everything is okay.” “I’ll just check this one email.” “It’s easier to answer this quickly than to deal with it in a week.” But the truth is: stepping away is hard. Especially when you’ve built your professional life on being present, responsive, involved.

And yet—life went on.

Emails were answered.

Decisions were made.

Projects progressed.

Students found their way.

Colleagues collaborated.

Without me. 

And here’s the thing: that’s not a crisis. That’s the point.

I’ve been reminded, again and again, how lucky I am to have such an incredible team of colleagues. People who care, who step up, who hold the fort—not because they have to, but because they believe in the shared work we do. Knowing they’ve got things under control makes it possible for me to step away at all.

Still, the second wave hit. Not just FOMO this time, but the creeping suspicion: Am I replaceable? Have I set up the systems so well that I’ve worked myself out of a job?

It’s a strange feeling. Both humbling and liberating. Because yes, many things can go on without me. And that’s not failure—it’s functionality. It means that what we’ve built has depth and resilience.

Here’s what I’m learning (slowly) from this time “off”:

  1. Being missed is not the same as being essential. People can appreciate you and still do just fine in your absence.

  2. Control is comforting—but it can become a crutch. And sometimes, it masks our fear of things changing without our input.

  3. Resting is not quitting. Taking space doesn’t make us less committed, less competent, or less valuable.

  4. Leaving the room shouldn’t collapse the building. True leadership builds capacity, not dependence.

  5. A strong team is everything. The kind that lifts each other up—and lets you go off duty with peace of mind.

So, maybe this “leave” is teaching me more than I expected.

Maybe it’s not about being gone, but about learning how to trust. Trusting the people around me. Trusting the work I’ve done. And, hardest of all, trusting that I don’t need to be everything, everywhere, all at once.

Now, I will try to close the laptop. Again. Maybe even without guilt this time.

Wish me luck.



PS: AI was used for language editing. 

Comments

  1. Dr Rosemary Musesengwa3 July 2025 at 15:26

    Best Wishes Girl !!! I can't switch off but I try !! When I was on leave recently I removed the work email from my phone and only carried my tablet without email. It was hard but hey I am not indispensable !

    ReplyDelete

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